Seeing is Believing

Audios: Audios can concentrate better on what you are saying if they turn their ears toward you rather than looking at you. They might glance at you from time to time because they have probably heard since childhood, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Looking away and then glancing at you is often labeled as being “shifty-eyed.” This may lead to accusations that they are hiding something because they don’t maintain eye contact with you. Or we might think that they are insecure because they keep looking away. For Audios, neither is true. Maintaining eye contact is uncomfortable for them and distracting when they are trying to think or are filtering through what you are saying to get to the bottom line. On the other hand, without flinching, Audios can look you in the eye and blatantly lie with a voice reverberating with sincerity. Maintaining personal control is the strongest characteristic for Audios. If they need to lie to maintain that control, they can do so without hesitation or batting an eye. This desire to be in control also makes them look less approachable than the other styles. Visuals: Visuals need to maintain eye contact with you unless they are lying. Then they don’t want to look at you. Their eyes are very expressive and reveal much. They don’t want you to see it in their eyes. Another time they will look away is when you are trying to find out what is upsetting them. If they are disappointed because something they planned didn’t work out and they shift the blame to you, they might retreat with this disappointment by giving you the silent treatment, including looking away. Therefore, when Visuals are shifty-eyed, you know something is amiss. If you hurt their feelings you’ll see the deep hurt in their eyes. They might stare at you with this hurt momentarily but as the pain intensifies or if they are trying not to cry, they will look away. Their bodies seem to sag from the rejection–the rejection they are feeling from you and from themselves for somehow deserving this sharp word or tongue lashing from you. Once again, they were less than perfect. Not meeting their own standards of perfection that they have set for themselves may make them “crawl into their caves.” They need this space to lick their wounds. Or, they might feel justified to point out your imperfections to bring down to their level. Feelers: Feelers will often cross their arms if they are standing and talking to you. If they look relaxed it’s simply because crossing their arms is comfortable. It’s also a place to put their hands because otherwise they might reach out and touch you when talking. In the workplace, sometimes this could be considered inappropriate. Feelers will often disclose what they are feeling. However, when they are upset, their actions and body language speak louder than their words because initially they might say nothing is wrong. You will know when they are upset because they become tight-lipped and the usual softness is gone from their eyes. They will avoid eye contact if they are trying not to cry. Feelers cannot tell a lie unless they believe a white lie is best so they won’t hurt your feelings. When all is right with their world, Feelers emanate warmth with smiling eyes that look directly into yours. Wholistic: Wholistics usually function closely through their first and second perceptual styles out of necessity. I refer to this as “twin styles.” When they don’t work closely with their second perceptual style, their body language could be erratic. They might pace in circles while thinking out loud, or suddenly stop and walk off in another direction because they just thought of something. Likewise, when speaking they might interrupt themselves and go off on tangents. Despite a few raised eyebrows at their actions, they don’t appear to notice or care. When Wholistics function as a twin, the second style has an equal influence on their body language and lessens the flightiness. For instance, a Wholistic/Audio still would prefer to look away while listening or collecting his thoughts but would appear more approachable than an Audio. A Wholistic/Feeler would have her feelings on her sleeve. It would be easy to read her body language. A Wholistic/Visual would be more adaptable. Wholistics thrive on change whereas Visuals prefer status quo. Therefore his body language would be more open than a Visual’s when discussing a change. Remember what it was like when we were children and a parent was upset with us and yelled at us with exasperation? In an effort not to cry or show that the words were cutting us to the core, we would try to have a passive face. Then to our astonishment and frustration, upon leaving the parent would turn and say, “And wipe that look off your face!” What look??? My sister sometimes frowns when I’m talking to her. I thought that meant she was confused by what I was saying until I asked her if she needed clarification. That’s when I found out she frowns when she is listening intently. My face is born to smile. If I don’t smile sometimes people think I’m upset. One time I was just sitting and thinking because I was finishing a chapter and mulling over how I wanted to summarize it. My late husband interrupted my thoughts by asking sharply, “What’s the matter?” Surprised by the question, I replied, “Nothing.” Before I could say anything more, he snapped, “Well then tell it to your face!” Having the look on your face or other body language misinterpreted is frustrating or may even hurt. So we don’t want to do this to others.

Carol Welsh, M.S., has over 25 year’s experience as a speaker and workshop facilitator. She’s the author of Stop When You See Red (2005). Her Web site is www.stopred.com.

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