The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Unforgiveness can destroy any relationship and a marriage is no exception. It can also destroy the person who holds on to it. Studies have shown that unforgiveness can even make you sick. Unforgiveness can lead to resentment, anger, bitterness and cynicism. How can you have an awesome relationship with someone that you are bitter toward?

"Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it." - Harry Emerson Fosdick

There is another very important side to forgiveness within a relationship. And that is to ask for forgiveness. Depending on ones personality, this can be even harder than forgiving. This is where pride pokes its ugly head into the picture. Why should you ask for forgiveness when you were right and your actions or words were justified? Marriage is not a contest. What difference does it make who is right and who is wrong if an action or words are coming between you and the one you love?

"The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good." - Catherine Ponder

Success in any area of life requires a lot of work and marriage is no exception. Be sensitive enough to know when something is bothering your spouse. Ask if you have done something to offend or hurt them. If so, tell them that you are sorry. If you are on the receiving end, accept their forgiveness and forget about it.

Forgive and forget. Is that possible? We get concerned when we hear someone bring up something that someone did to offend him or her several years ago. Is it just that they have a good memory? We don't think so. It is more likely that they never forgave that person. Some people even try to use past events as leverage against the other person. Again, a marriage is not a competition. In a marriage, if there is a winner and a loser, then you both lose.

"'I can forgive, but I cannot forget' is only another way of saying, 'I will not forgive.' Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note - torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one." - Henry Ward Beecher

Unforgiveness can also be a trap that you don't want to get out of. You may think that you are punishing the person that you have unforgiveness toward. Deep down you are saying, "You really hurt me and I am going to punish you by never forgiving you for what you have done." If you do that, whom are you really punishing? Is the person who hurt you affected by the feelings that you hold inside? Of course not, they will go on with their life while this unforgiveness eats away at you.

By not forgiving someone, you give him or her the power to hurt you over and over again every time that you think about them or the situation. Do you want that person to have that much control over you? Do you want them to control your life, your health and your marriage? If your answer is no, then forgive them because unforgiveness only hurts the person holding it.

You may also feel that forgiving someone makes what he or she did to you okay. Forgiveness is not acceptance. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that what they did was right or that it is okay for them to do it again.

We can't always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to those events. We can decide how we will let those events affect the rest of our life. Forgive, let it go, and let the healing begin in your life.

********** Darren and Donna McNees are Authors of "The 21 Day Marriage Makeover: How to transform your marriage into one filled with more love, affection, fun and happiness." To experience your Marriage Makeover or to get your free bi-weeky newsletter containing proven yet simple advice designed to enrich your life and energize your marriage go to www.21DayMarriageMakeover.com. *********** Copyright © 2004 Darren & Donna McNees. Reprint permission is granted if the article is used in its entirety including all of the contact information above.

More Motivation Links

Home page

Information Index